*Disclaimer* If you are a male reader, proceed with caution. Highly female topic ahead!

Sitting around with some of my female friends, we started talking about men. One of my friends was telling us that she had a friend whose teenage son would do some of the grocery shopping and would even pick up feminine hygiene products for her and his sisters. This is super mature of her son, especially considering that many of the husbands wouldn’t buy them. My friend in fact was saying that in the more than two decades she has been married, her husband still won’t buy them for her. It was at this point that one of my girlfriends said, “That’s why you should just use the cup. Then you don’t have to buy tampons at all.” She, of course, means the menstrual cup.

At this point, we aren’t talking about a slight, embarrassing leak, but instead a front row seat to a MURDER SCENE!!!

Now this isn’t the first time I have heard about the cup, but frankly, the idea of using one is so far out of what I can possibly imagine that I just can’t entertain the idea. Yes, I know that there are many health benefits, but hear me out.

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• First, the level of comfort that you have to have with your own body is a level of comfort that I do NOT have. I understand that there is nothing dirty or wrong with my body so hold your comments, but still. I. Don’t. Have. It.
• Second, there has to be a learning curve. Just like with all the other feminine products, there has to be a time period where you just don’t do it correctly. We all have that, “When I first used a tampon” story where we did it entirely wrong. Whether it was you didn’t get it in far enough or you left the plastic applicator in, we all have that story. I do not have the time to stay home and learn to use a menstrual cup. Life is just too busy.
• Third, getting down to the true nightmare, we have all had those times when whatever we are using leaks. Although embarrassing, it is usually only slight. Everyone has that nightmare story of when you were in jr. high, high school, on a date and you stood up in your khaki shorts only to have everyone or your special someone see that there was a little blood on your pants. Now, imagine that it is a cup; a cup that somehow manages to spill…inside of you. At this point, we aren’t talking about a slight, embarrassing leak, but instead a front row seat to a MURDER SCENE!!! Can you imagine the horribleness of that amount of blood and liquid suddenly being unleashed in your nether regions?!?!?! My two friends, who evidently use these cups, assure me that there is no way that this cup can suddenly spill. Do I really want to take their word for it?? No! What if you have a violent sneezing attack or ride a roller coaster that goes upside down or feel the need to break out in cart wheels and the splits??? Instant murder scene. Can you promise me that this thing will NEVER, EVER spill?? Not buying it!
• Fourth, imagine having to deal with this thing in a public restroom! You walk into the stall to take care of things and emerge looking like you just finished a surgery! Perhaps as long as you are alone, this wouldn’t be an issue. What if you have children that have to accompany you? Or if the bathroom is simply crowded. I can only imagine the looks you’d receive. GROSS!!! GROSS!! GROSS!! This is so far out of my comfort level, we aren’t even in the same hemisphere.
• Fifth and finally, this was one that my friend brought up and I had not thought of myself, how do you know when the thing is full? Granted, I know that this fits into a learning curve, but truly, do you have to shake your hips back and forth and listen for the sloshing??? I. JUST. CAN’T.

These are the thoughts that go through my head when I have considered, ever so briefly, using the menstrual cup. My girlfriend, who says this thing will totally change your life, claims that I can’t write a post about this if I am not going to try it. I say, “My blog, my rules!!” But who knows, perhaps I will get a wild hare and try it. It would make for excellent blogging material I am sure, although I wouldn’t look for that post anytime soon.

A woman’s period is like once a month her body accidentally hits caps lock on her emotions. –Aparna Nancherla