The Birds, the Bees, and the la la la la la!

For a brief second, I was at a loss as to what I was going to write, but then we went to our homeschool co-op today and life provided humor! As I have stated before, I have five kids and I homeschool all of them. Whatever your thoughts on homeschooling, I LOVE it! It allows me to be with my kids and teach them what we value and feel is important. A side benefit of homeschooling is that I have been able to preserve the innocence of my kids for longer than if they were in public school. When I was in public school, I learned about sex from friends in the third grade. Not that most of what I learned was correct, but I knew more than my kids do. My oldest is 12 and he still has no idea about the birds and the bees. I know, I know, we are going to talk to him about it soon, so calm down.

We moms were sitting around after lunch sharing stories, and the topic of talking to our kids about sex came up in conversation. I have all boys, I have a friend who has all girls, and I have several who have a mixture. From the time my kids were little, they have known that they have penises. I felt very strongly that they should know the anatomically correct word for body parts. Since I didn’t have any girls, I didn’t have to deal with the “other” word, because they were never questions about that. They simply knew that mommy didn’t have a penis. It never came up, I didn’t think it was necessary, and the idea of the word vagina coming out of my boys’ mouths kind of made me cringe! Anyway, we were sharing stories about how much our kids knew and one of my friends told us about a book that she was reading on this very topic. The book supported using the correct terms for body parts. Then she told us the story about when she first told her daughter:

She talked to her about God’s purpose for sex, how our bodies are made to work together, and the actual process of intercourse. She told her that a man puts his penis inside a woman’s vagina in order to have sex. This is where an understanding of the relationship between the parent and child of a homeschooling family has to be understood. Because our kids are with us 24/7, there is a comfortableness that our kids have with us. I am not saying that they see themselves as equals, but they definitely don’t hesitate to talk about any topic that comes up. I am also not saying that other families don’t have this same closeness, it is just pretty common with homeschoolers because of the amount of time we spend together. However, sex is a difficult topic to discuss no matter what. My friend was super proud of herself for having “the” discussion and was excited that she had successfully tackled the topic without making it embarrassing or extremely awkward. I told her that I was excited that it had gone well and that her story had really inspired me to go ahead and talk to my son.

THIS IS WHAT NIGHTMARES ARE MADE OF!!!

She then looked at me with an expression that can only be described as terrified amusement and said, “Oh no, wait. There’s more!” She told that later that night she went to put her daughter in bed, like usual; they read, they prayed, she told her she loved her, then it happened. She was just about to shut off the light when her daughter looked at her and asked, “Hey, Mom? Is Daddy going to put his penis in your vagina now?” THIS!!! THIS IS WHAT NIGHTMARES ARE MADE OF!!!! I can’t even IMAGINE!! What on earth do you say to that???? Seriously, think for a moment, can ANY of YOU imagine saying THOSE words to your OWN parents???? Just the idea makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little. I mean, yes we all know that our parents do that….or at least they did as many times as they have kids, but THOSE words. NO! NO! NO! I am honestly not sure if at that moment I would have laughed hysterically (like you do when your having a mental breakdown) or if I would have maturely shoved my fingers in my ears and yelled, “LA LA LA LA LA” at the top of my lungs! My friend handled it much better! She must have had a moment when the heavens opened and God poured wisdom onto her like a ray of sunshine out of a pure cloudy sky, or maybe it was like the dove of wisdom landed on her shoulder because however much she wanted to run, scream, or laugh, she simply said, “Probably not right now,” and left. Later, she explained that that isn’t really a question that is okay to ask adults.

Ugh!!! Why is this topic so difficult to talk about with our kids??? My husband asked me the other day, “Do you think our kids will ever figure out why we lock the door to our room sometimes?” My response was yes and now I am almost sure that when they do they will knock and then in their sing-songy little voices say, “What are you doing? Are you having sex??” And, of course at that point, we’ll be like, “Nope! Absolutely not! You just ruined it!” Then I don’t know if I should be happy that our kids will be okay with knowing that their parents have sex (how progressive) or seriously creeped out that my kids are OKAY knowing their parents have sex. I am pretty sure that it’s all a crap shoot!!

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘The man goes on top and the woman goes underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. –Joan Rivers

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